To Give or Not to Give

My friend McCall recently wrote about a incident she had while going to and from work. Long story short she was scammed out of her money by some poor, helpless girl who had been "evicted" and needed money. This really got me thinking and took me back to a time when I too would fall to tears whenever I saw someone in need. When I was in high school, Davis High, the huge hang out spot was 7-eleven. Well I wouldn't say hang out spot, but it seemed like every monday morning you would hear of a fight that took place at the 7-eleven. There was always some sort of action that took place at the 7-eleven, fights, drama, you name it, it happened there. Well me and my boyfriend at the time, would always stop their for slurpee's or hot chocolate depending on our moods. It was our thing you could say. Well I started noticing this bum that was always their sitting outside by the phones.
Now I have always had a very very sensitive heart towards people like this. Anytime I saw hitch-hikers or the people who stand out infront of stores holding signs saying they need money with a little tin can out front of them, it broke my heart. I remember so many times growing up seeing these different people and crying over these complete strangers that I wanted so badly to take their problems from them.
Well one specific night at 7-eleven, my boyfriend ran in to get us some hot chocolate. When he got back in the car I was sobbing my head off. He had no idea what had happend. He kept asking me if someone hurt me or what happened! I finally got out that no one hurt me but that I just couldn't stand coming here anymore seeing this old bum sitting there in the FREEZING cold. It broke my heart. My boyfriend gave me some money and I ran back in the store and bought a hot chocolate for him and gave it to the man. He thanked me very much for my kindness. I felt a little better but still was sick for the man. I wanted to take him home with me and let him shower and clean up. We got to my boyfriends house and I asked him if we could make dinner for the man and bring it back to him. He was so sweet and let me do it. We drove it back to 7-eleven but the man was gone. I felt horrible that I didn't get it their fast enough. Anyway a week later I get a call from my BF and he said "you won't believe this but that bum that you have been crying over was an undercover cop. He broke a huge gang fight last night at 7-eleven." I instantly was relived for this man knowing he did have a family and a home. And of course later I felt very very stupid and was the cause of hysterical laughing from my BF. But I really learned from that experince.
Now days you don't pick up hitch-hikers for fear of them overtaking you in your car and doing gosh knows what. We don't leave our car doors unlocked and our house doors unlocked like they used to be able to, for fear of dishonest thiefs. We are torn inside by our emotions wanting to give money out to those who hold up the signs that need money but wondering are they just going to go buy beer with it or will they really go buy some food? Society has put us in a position in which we feel so torn in these situations. Do I hate it? Yes, I think the way I was in high school, sensitive, naive, trusting, open hearted are great qualities. But I can't change the way the world has made us change. I hate that I am more gaurded now, more hesitant to do kind acts. Although I still see the people holding signs for money, and the bums wondering the street and the hitch-hikers that are badly in need of a ride and my heart still breaks for these people, I still wish to take their problems away. And from time to time I still hand out money to these people, knowing they may very well be scamming me and does that suck...yea. But it is the right thing for me to do and it makes me feel better. What they do with the money is their choice. So for all those who give their money out and later find they were ripped off or giving money to an undercover cop, don't feel bad, you did the right thing!